How to Show Up for Others During Their "Hair on Fire" Seasons
Recognizing the "Hair on Fire" Moments
We’ve all been there—those chaotic seasons when life feels overwhelming, unpredictable, and exhausting. For Paul Fenner, founder of TAMMA Capital and host of the Emotional Balance Sheet podcast, tax season is one of those times. It's a period that demands so much of his time and energy that even his family knows to brace themselves for the emotional toll.
These intense periods, or “hair on fire” seasons as Paul calls them, aren’t limited to tax deadlines. They happen during personal health scares, major life transitions, caring for ill family members, or navigating grief. These moments test our patience, our resilience, and sometimes even our closest relationships.
But there’s something powerful we can do during these times—whether we’re going through them ourselves or supporting someone else.
The Power of Empathy in Stressful Seasons
One of the most meaningful things someone can do during a season of stress is to simply ask, “How are you really doing?” Not out of obligation, but with sincere care.
Paul highlights the impact of this question in his own life. When a client, friend, or family member takes a moment to acknowledge his stress and offer support, even if they can’t directly help with taxes, it means the world. It reminds him that he’s not alone, that someone sees his struggle and cares enough to acknowledge it.
This kind of emotional validation is more important than we realize. According to the American Psychological Association, empathy plays a key role in building emotional resilience. It not only strengthens relationships but also provides a sense of safety and support during uncertain times.
Stop Asking, "How Can I Help?" and Just Do It
It’s natural to want to help someone we care about when they’re struggling. But the standard “Let me know if there’s anything I can do” often puts an additional burden on the person already in crisis. They may not have the mental bandwidth to even know what they need, let alone articulate it.
Paul suggests a better approach: anticipate the need and take action. If you know someone going through a tough time, think about small, tangible ways to lighten their load:
Send a meal or DoorDash gift card
Offer to pick up their kids from practice
Drop off their favorite coffee
Text a message of encouragement
Run an errand for them
These gestures might seem simple, but they communicate something deeper: “I see you. I’m here for you.”
Being a Thoughtful Presence During Life Transitions
Whether someone is grieving a loss, managing a medical crisis, or navigating a demanding season at work, your presence matters more than your solutions.
You don’t need the perfect words. You don’t need to fix the situation. You just need to show up—in whatever way you can.
Even a short text saying “Thinking of you” can be a lifeline. It reminds the person that they are not isolated in their struggle, and that their emotional load is shared, even in the smallest ways.
Emotional Intelligence in Professional Relationships
As a financial advisor, Paul sees firsthand how emotional stress intersects with major financial decisions. It’s why empathy isn’t just a nice-to-have quality—it’s essential in service professions.
When clients experience death, divorce, job changes, or the birth of a child, they’re also facing emotional turbulence. In these moments, it’s not about offering the perfect financial strategy right away. It’s about listening, offering grace, and being patient.
This principle applies far beyond financial planning. If you’re in any client-facing role—healthcare, coaching, consulting—your ability to empathize and act thoughtfully will deepen trust and differentiate your service.
Just Show Up
The next time someone in your life is clearly in the middle of a hair-on-fire season, take Paul’s advice to heart:
Don’t overthink it.
Don’t wait for a formal invitation to help.
Just show up.
Bring the coffee. Send the text. Offer the ride. Give the gift card.
You may not be able to solve their problem, but your support can provide the spark of hope and connection they need to get through it.